Where do I start?? First off, the basics. My name is Cortney, I am 27, married since May 2007 to Matt who is a police officer and together we have 2 beautiful boys. Kaleb, born July 2008 (3) and Graycen, born September 9 (1). I am a stay at home mom and I love it and recently my husband and I decided we would start thinking about adding our final baby to our family since my husband is getting older and does not want to be considered a "old dad". Matt is 32, will be 33 in July so I understand his concern..I will be turning 28 in Feb.
Anyway, my last cycle was October 28th. I suffer from PCOS. My "average" cycle length based off my cycles since June is 36; however, my last cycle was 47 days and currently I am on CD 34 awaiting AF. I have taken 3 pregnancy tests this month and all have been SOOO BFN (big fat negative). Matt and I agree'd to just go with the flow for awhile and if we get pregnant, we get pregnant, neither of us would mind however I do not believe this will work for us. PCOS makes it very hard to get pregnant let alone with NO help and flying by the seat of our pants for the most part.
I had a lot of signs so I was hoping we got it this month however the tests have squashed all those hopes. My boys were miracles, we tried 1 month with each and got pregnant. Kaleb I used ovulation calculators and Graycen I used opk's and BAM pregnant. This baby is going to take more work I believe....
No one seems to understand how hard it is for me...yes I want to have fun with my husband and enjoy not having to worry about protection but its a 2 edged sword. Since I do not know when or if I ovulated I am always wondering if I am pregnant, if this is a sign or symptiom...I must say its not very fun. I will go along for awhile with this plan and then I may have to get more pro-active...either by adding soy iso (which is like clomid) or using opk's. Graycen will be 15 months in December so I really would like him older since the boys are 26 months apart but I also know that for personal reasons we will not be trying in March or April because of the due dates I would get...I just don't want a babys birthday to be any less special because it was born in the month of Christmas..like I said, personal reasons.
Anyway, the whole point of this journal is just to track my thoughts from day to day...cycle to cycle. It will give me a place that I can vent, cry, express my feelings without judgement. My friends don't understand....I feel like no one does...so here I am. Maybe one day I can show this to our baby #3 and show him/her how wanted they were!!
No comments:
Post a Comment